These Walls

The windows were cracked open in our kitchen, just above the sink where I was elbow deep in bubbles. Our 3 year old disappeared around the corner from where she was supposed to be on the swing set her Daddy spent almost a full day assembling. I ran outside to hear her yelling to our neighbor, swinging away at his fence, ripping down the beyond faded once-white wood. My heart sank when I saw the stack that now made sense to the noise I had heard all morning. Our daughter yelled out a hello to him, followed with a statement to me that he must be angry. No, he wasn't angry, I assured her, just working on his farm.

This is my view from the kitchen window. My slice of heaven. 

It was this view from my kitchen sink that sold me on this house. Moving 25 minutes from our church, friends and family and my husbands job wasn't ideal, having been used to being only several minutes away before. The view from the backyard, exposed post and beam, and neighing of horses captivated us. We made an offer right away. After about 12 viewings in the city, this was our fourth offer on a house and even though we waited 5 months to close on this short sale, it was worth it. Just don't ask me last summer, pregnant, packing to put things in storage, moving in with my parents for longer than planned, advocating for both my daughter and mother as they underwent surgeries, with my sisters wedding in between them. Our travel schedule for Cwtrials didn't slow down and I learned to press into Jesus hard during that anticipated chaotic season.

Original hitching post in front of our house. I know nothing about plants and flowers, but I have thoroughly enjoyed all of the surprises that popped up this spring and summer.

Here we are now, almost 11 months of being first-time home owners, living closer to the seacoast then ever before and even though it's August, I still haven't seen the shoreline since we moved. Our sweet boy was born a little over 2 months after moving in and I am just now starting to feel like we are settling in, gathering my bearings, making it my home with personal taste and style. It's okay to nail that hole in the wall, and we are the ones who mow the grass, fix the toilet and install a new well pump. (Who am I kidding? I do none of those things, Craig gets all the credit!)

The view from my nook in the entryway. My husband made those frames for the pictures he brought back from Uganda several years ago.

I was 25 years old when we bought the house I never imagined I would be blessed with. I pictured my life living overseas, never owning a home, perhaps living in a hut someplace in the jungle learning an unwritten language. What was the point of buying a house that would tie us down, with no option of calling a landlord to come fix my broken dishwasher? (Sometimes I do miss Phil, our landlord of 2+ years)

My Facebook feed runs of people buying homes, selling their first home to upgrade, simplifying to something more convenient, and it all reminds me

this is my temporary home.

When I'm itching for something more predictable (than this awkward season of support raising to go into full-time ministry) I ask my husband "can we just live here forever?" I love the blessing our home has been and the layout of it makes it so convenient to host people for a meal or play date. Both sets of our parents still live in the homes we were born into. Our memories were made there. And while I wouldn't consider myself one for sentiment, I wonder what it will be like for our kids one day. If our hearts are willing to GO where the Lord says to GO and minister to those who need to hear about Jesus and see us LIVE it out, that may mean moving far away, or to another community just down the way in order to have deep, intentional community with our neighbors. 

Here we are, in a beautiful rural setting, and we consider ourselves very blessed. So, we cling to this season because we don't know when the Lord says MOVE, and we will be intentional with our neighbors, sharing our life, our Jesus and our Hope, and being real with them during the joy and the sorrows of all this life brings.  While it isn't scripture- I love the saying, "We are blessed to be a blessing."

We don't have any plans of moving in the future, but we do not consider this our "forever home". Our hope for a "forever home" is only found in the hope we have in our Eternal home- Heaven. All of earth is temporary, we are fixed on what is eternal- relationships and our soul redeeming relationship with Jesus Christ. This "stuff" doesn't matter. From the cars we drive, vacations we won't ever take and fashions we can't keep up with, our treasure is found in the investment of sharing Jesus Christ so that others might know Him, experiencing the comfort of His love from NOW until eternity.

Listeners and Watchers

From time to time it hits me again.

We are being watched. 

People are listening and watching what we do.

It's a bit overwhelming when I'm already feeling maxed out 

and my child is behaving poorly, requiring discipline.

Sometimes it's the last thing I want to think about when sleep has been less and less 

and the anxiety only has been heightened. 

Whatever the season and whatever the trial, it is unavoidable. 

People are watching and listening. 

These kids are watching and listening.

I know my neighbors have heard me through my open window when I've raised my voice and my friends and family aren't deaf to when I have spoken in sin. (Oh, how I wish I could say I have mastered my own tongue!)

We each have influence. From what we post on facebook, to how we portray ourselves in public, the way we dress and how we speak. And while I am learning not to hate on myself during those trying times when I know people are seeing how weary I am, I want to be real too. The trials I face, the hardships our family goes through are real- we aren't super-human and we don't have it all together.

We sure are thankful for Jesus and the hope we have in Him, and for the sacrifice of His life on the cross offering redemption.

So, whether you are a Christ- Follower or not, who do you have influence over in your life and what do you want to instill into them?

Our kids look to us as heroes.

Being in leadership (or the spouse of someone in that position), you bet you have influence. If that is your husband speaking and leading, don't think for one second that the spotlight isn't on you as well.

And for those who aren't under that kind of heat of direct light, how can you offer grace to them? I have been guilty of thinking "so and so does this or that, so it's okay if I do too." Right or wrong, they are human and holding someone in that regard isn't fair.

Maybe you don't have kids and aren't in leadership and feel like you don't have influence. Where could you have influence? Maybe you do and just don't recognize it yet. Maybe you need to look outside of your life and discover where you can have influence. After all, we are ALL created in God's image and we have great meaning and purpose because HE created us, and He created us on purpose, for a purpose.