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Saturday, December 22, 2012

No, Thanks.

We have come a long way the past 4 years.
In many, many ways, we have grown, changed, made babies, bought a house, started a new ministry and discovered the meaning of life... ;)


As we are just a few days away from Christmas, closing in on 2012, reflecting on our past year as we wrap up our 2012 annual newsletter, the joys of this past year warm my heart. The gingerbread latte I'm drinking warms my tummy and this tiny 2 1/2 week old boy I'm wearing warms my chest. ;)

Since our little Jakob was born, I've had to put into practice what was not done when our firstborn joined this world. This thing that we have become more fluent in over the past two years was not even part of our vocabulary as first-time parents.

Two years and nine months ago Craig and I celebrated our one year anniversary and the joy of our daughter being born. It was a beautiful time in our life that carried a slight fog... 
our lack of boundaries and ability to say "no".

I struggled with anxiety and postpartum depression the first 7 months of becoming a first-time Mom. 

Those lonely, isolated, stressful months were ones that I have been super intentional to avoid this time around. Can I tell you something though? I wouldn't trade that season for anything.
I would however, do what I can to help another new Mommy to avoid going through what I did. 

What I learned and how I grew then has prepared me for now and made our lives so much richer. (ever heard that saying 'if Momma ain't happy ain't nobody happy'?)

So here are some things that have drastically influenced our life during this season as we prepared for Jakob's arrival in the midst of buying and moving into a home and when we took him home. This is what worked for us from what we learned the first time and where we are now that we have two littles to care for.

#1- no visitors at the hospital. With Abigail, we had everyone and their children visit. This time, we knew that we had a toddler who wasn't sleeping through the night to return home to. We used our hospital stay to rest as much as possible. (and being a second time parent, our stay was surprisingly more restful!)

#2 no visitors still... Craig had a week off of work, Jakob was born late Monday night and we went home Wednesday afternoon. We wanted to just savor our bonding time as a family of four, sleep when we needed and care for each other during this precious new time. 


#3 one at a time. Okay, eventually we did let people visit ;) When Craig returned to work the following Monday, I received help with Abigail every morning that week from both of our Mom's and a friend. I wanted to be sensitive to my emotions {hormones}and was cautious not to overwhelm myself.

#4 yes please! When people offered to help with Abigail, bring meals (drop off meals to Craig at work, a bonus after a long day and not feeling up to visiting), I said YES! The sweetest thing, one woman expressed her JOY to being able to prepare a meal for our family during this season of our life. It is a blessing to give, for sure, and truly a blessing to receive.

#5 what are my needs? One dear friend asked me a few times over the past two weeks, "What are your needs?" Seriously, BEST question! I didn't need a meal, I didn't need a visitor, what I needed was a morning to sleep and not chase a toddler who was getting into everything while I nursed her baby brother. To not keep this just "me" focused, I have a husband who is adjusting and sleep deprived as well. What are HIS needs? When he needed to just go work in the garage for a bit to have some space, I had to choose that grace and offer it to him. When he wanted to start a new workout routine in the evenings the week that he returned to work... well he needed to put that on hold for just a few more weeks ;)


There are many things that we have done differently, most of which we didn't prepare in advance to do, it just came more naturally now that we have been practicing healthy balance/ boundaries and the ability to say "no". It has been one of our most valuable lessons for our family and for our selves. 

I want to be a wife and Mom who worries less about what others think and keeping others happy/ appeased so that I can be MORE of a wife and Mom to my most precious family, my greatest ministry and calling in life.